WHEN you're behind the handle of your push mower, the last thing you're probably thinking about is jewellery.
While happily cutting your way across lawn, weeds, soaker hoses and those pavers that were once going to be a garden chessboard, you may not realise that what you have in your hands could be worn at your next dinner party or custody hearing.
Recycling is a real buzz-word around gardening communities at the moment, mostly because it helps pull grants and government funding.
But there is the potential to create something beautiful out of that which would have otherwise been thrown away, like mower parts.
I've taken it upon myself to dub the term RUMPAC: Re-Utilised Mower Part Accessory Creation, or, simply, mower jewellery.
The RUMPAC movement is starting to take off with some of my students (online correspondence mostly) producing outstanding pieces.
Take Gail for instance - she fashioned a delightful eternity ring from a broken spark plug.
Then there's Norman, who formed a belt buckle from the carburettor off a Victa Briggs and Stratton combination.
Admittedly, people can smell him coming as the petrol fumes are hard to remove, but he sure makes an entrance.
Personally, I like to keep the former mower parts as rustic as possible to give them an authentic charm.
Worn mower blades look a treat when done up as necklaces or earrings.
And don't think that these accessory pieces are for the female wearer only - no sir. In fact, they are more suited to the male jewellery market as they make a statement.
For instance, a set of used blades says: "Hey, I'm manly enough to change my blades but sensitive enough to wear them out in public. Now, could you please let me into the nightclub, Mr Bouncer?"
As with all new forms of art, not everyone is in favour. Case in point, Septimus, a mature age student from Hallaworth fashioned a stunning, full midriff chainmail cummerbund out of the entire piston assembly and block from a Rover 2-stroke.
He thought nothing of it as he began making his way through airport security but was quickly detained and held for questioning.
Seven hours later and having missed his flight, the Australian Federal Police removed his vest and sent him on his way.
Now this may seem like they didn't appreciate the detail that went into the piece, but I secretly suspect that there is a member of the AFP getting around Sydney somewhere looking like a million dollars in his/her new accessory.
Tip of the Month:
For those with backyard fire pits or patio braziers, get out of the habit of using them to discard unwanted tyres. They burn for days and taint roasted marshmallows. Stellar!
DISCLAIMER: The information within this column is of a satirical nature and therefore the advice within should not be heeded. All views expressed here are the writer’s own.