No more monkey business, donkey!
SIR, with your reputation for chest-beating fury going before you, I hope you will forgive me in this matter.
Grandad's $5000 white elephant
IT is with heavy heart I write to inform you that your best years are behind you, and we’re going to have to let you go.
Venting over an elusive virtue
THIS letter must be brief because I really don’t have time to spend corresponding with you.
Wound up and browned off
PODCAST: JUST work - that’s all I ask. Don’t clog or split or puncture or warp - just work.
Hire power in the halls of fame
PODCAST: A RECENT visit to one of your kind prompted my thinking about your existence.
Not quite the perfect fit
IT has been quite some time since we were acquainted. You may not remember me but I knew you quite well, long ago.
Dear bush poetry
THOUGHTS have swirled within my head, so much I thought I’d better, sit down beneath a gumtree here, and write to you a letter.
Dear ants
THERE was a saying going around once suggesting that your presence on walls and kitchen benches was a sign that a large amount of rain was on its way.
Recipe for a baking disaster
PODCAST: Dear C Row, I write to inform you that your chocolate cake recipe which appears on page 41 of a locally-produced high school ladies auxiliary cookbook from 1984, does not work.
Lift your game... or you're toast
PODCAST: Dear toaster, it's time you realised that when I say 'stay down', you stay down.
That's my best price
PODCAST: DEAR electronics store sales people, how do you sleep at night? Probably on the Panasonic Ultra-Doze Pillow, now on special.
Plush tastes confuse the muse
PODCAST: DEAR red velvet, if you don’t taste like the interior trim of a 1980s VB Commodore, why the fancy name?
Bashin' a fashion for passion
AUDIO: WHERE “holds a keen interest in” or “lifelong hobby” would have once sufficed, nowadays "passion" is all the rage.
Calling in the swat team
SOME declare it a badge of honour that someone “wouldn’t hurt a fly” - this phrase holds little weight with me.
A not-so-warm welcome
WINTER - you're late arrival has us thinking you might not show up at all.
The shoe is on the other foot
WHILE it’s too late for me to make a tennis career for myself in 1974, that doesn’t change my desire for discounted comfort and fashion.
Time to break it down
DEAR compost, help me out here. I feed and feed and feed but I can’t help feel you’re not as active as you could be.
It's in the post
ANOTHER postage stamp price rise is a reminder of a time before the internet, text messaging, and when letters were a big deal.
When persistence won't pay
TELEMARKETERS be warned - your persistence in ringing the phone off the hook just won't pay off.
Game of cat and mouse
WHEN there's a mouse in the house, no-one rests in the game of cat and mouse.
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COMMENTS

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Good to know that thousands of caring people in all walks of life oppose the cruel live animal
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Good to know that thousands of caring people in all walks of life oppose the cruel live animal
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Good to know thousands of caring people in all walks of life oppose the cruel live animal trade.
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