NOT surprisingly, it has come to this. Hopefully you’ll come across this note on the fridge or beside your car keys or anywhere else your wretchedly bony fingers may happen to find it.
To be perfectly blunt, you have overstayed your welcome.
In fact, there was no welcome given in the first place you just wormed your way in with little warning.
There we all were enjoying a run of, dare we say it, good seasons in this shared house we call Queensland, when in you plopped like cream on a scone.
Your arrival is curious because you never really announced it. Somehow, you managed to get a backdoor key and then pop in and out for a while.
Slowly the housemates begin to realise the front lawn is a bit crisper than usual and the pool level is lower.
Before we know it, plants are withering, animals are being sold off and people aren’t going out as much as they used to because they are focused on trying to manage where you’ve been.
We had all hoped we’d seen the last of you during the mid 2000s but alas, here you are again.
The thing is, we’re not real sure if our city cousins realise the impact you are having.
You’ve sprawled across some 62 per cent of Queensland now, caused more than a few tears and forced some very tough decisions to be made by those also trying to co-exist in the house.
So how about it? Time to push off?
Even though we know you don’t get on, we’d really like to see you cousin Rain sometime soon.
She’s always welcome, particularly after an overextended stay by yourself. She can have your room.
She always does such a wonderful job cleaning up the stains, rejuvenating the floor coverings and generally getting things flowing again after you’ve botched them all up.
Having said that, last summer some of us even saw a bit too much of Rain.
It got serious when she traded places with her other cousin of ill-repute, Flood, who went on to cause quite a bit of havoc on Australia Day 2013.
But for the immediate situation, Drought, please take your dusty footprints and nostril-punishing cologne (Odour de Stagnant Dam, I believe it’s called) and vacate the premises.
And don’t forget your Clarke and Dawe DVD collection - it’s dry enough around here already.
Call us hard to please, but we do realise the various guests that breeze through are part of living where we do.
It’s just that some bring more joy when they leave than when they arrive.