DEAR electronics store sales people,
How do you sleep at night? Probably on the Panasonic Ultra-Doze Pillow, including free app download, now on special for $499.
That starting was a bit harsh. You are probably super nice people. It just seems that many of you are cut from the same cloth.
Upon numerous occasions I’ve entered the shop of your employment, simply to inspect an item.
Sometimes I venture forth to ask a question. Then it begins.
Yes, yes, I know you have one at home. I’m not sure exactly how big your home is, but it must be fairly substantial to store away all the goods you’ve told me you own.
That retro-vacuum cleaner with the power head attachment? Yep, you’ve got one. That flatscreen television the size of a ping-pong table? Yep, you’ve got one. That hydraulic massage shower head for the elderly? You better believe you’ve got one.
Of course, if you suddenly realise you’re starting to push the boundaries (you’re completely bald yet you swear you have the Remington TF 2000 hair straightener?) then you simply declare that your partner is a “big fan” of that particular product.
“Ahhh yeah, my wife dehydrates a lot of our food so she really loves the old Toshiba 3200 Dry Master, right here. Oh, it’s on sale as well. That’s a good price.”
I love the casual language you use to converse with me, as if we’ve known each other since high school.
You make as if you are doing me a favour when I look at the price label. I inquire about the price being $300. You then say: “I can do that one for you for $290”.
But before I open up a term deposit with the money I’m saving, I press further and you reply with: “No, that’s as low as I can go on that one. We’re not actually making any money out of that.”
I realise you have a job to do, and perhaps part of that job is to wear a short-sleeved shirt with a tie, but I’m just struggling to warm to you.
Not that I intend to spark up a major friendship with you. I really just want a better price on this Samsung DVD recorder.
Oh, you’ve got one of them at home as well? And you love it? That’s great.
Of course, the not-so-secret weapon is three words, which have the ability to deflate you like a balloon in a thumbtack factory: “Just browsing thanks.”