Showing sympathy

23 Feb, 2001 10:00 PM
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A road-building gang arrived on the job, just out of Midland, and discovered they had forgotten to take their shovels.

One of them used his mobile phone to contact their foreman and tell him of their predicament.

"Calm down, stop worrying, don't panic," said the foreman in a soothing voice.

"I'll send out a truck with your shovels straight away.

"But until it gets there, you'll have to lean on each other."

Very instructional

The citizens of Argadargada decided to donate money for a first class Australian Rules football coach to help lift their team, the Argadargada Aggies off bottom position, which they had occupied for more than a century in the Deadend Desert League.

Having coached a few AFL premiership teams and fresh from the big time city league, he taught the Argadargadians all the tricks of the trade.

Despite this, to his dismay they were done like dinners in the first six matches they played and barely failed to record a score. He called the players together and gave them what is called in football parlance an inspirational speech.

He told them they were the greatest mob of undisciplined, untalented louts and no-hopers the game had ever seen.

"Furthermore," he said, "I now intend attempting to teach you no-hopers right from the very start."

He picked up a football in his giant hand and said," This here is what is known as an Australian Rules football.

"The object of the game is to gain possession of this ball and..."

At this point he was interrupted by the full-back Douggie Moulds, who was built like a country chicken house, "Fair go, hold on a minute coach... don't go so flamin' fast."

Just a rumour

There is absolutely no truth whatsoever in the furphy that the Western Australian government once built a bridge over the Nullarbor Plain and was forced to demolish it because too many people were fishing from it.

A terrible knock-knock

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ann.

Ann who?

Ann other West Indian wicket falls.

Feeling the drought

Water is so short because of the drought in Western Australia's wheatbelt, that in one town they have been forced to close three of the four lanes in the public swimming pool.

Feeling very happy

The Commanding Officer was inspecting his new recruits and was therefore making it a little informal in the hope of getting to know a little about his charges.

The CO stopped in front of one man who appeared less than comfortable.

The CO snapped, "Aren't you happy soldier?"

The soldier reluctantly agreed he was happy.

"What were you in civilian life?"

"A damn sight happier, still," came the reply.

COMMENTS

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